Archive for July, 2015

“Allie X – Tumor (Zebra Machine Remix)” by Zebra…

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Allie X – Tumor (Zebra Machine Remix)” by Zebra Machine

“Clairity – DNA (Zebra Machine Bootleg Remix)” by…

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Clairity – DNA (Zebra Machine Bootleg Remix)” by Zebra Machine

“One Direction – Drag Me Down” by ZaynMalik

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One Direction – Drag Me Down” by ZaynMalik

“What You Don’t Do (Grades Remix)” by Lianne…

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What You Don’t Do (Grades Remix)” by Lianne La Havas

Say No To Cats That Bully You [cats, dogs, and your friends]

espritfollet:

 (and their owners)

What happens if I post about my newfound aversion to cats? I feel like that would be akin to death, no, being a republican — or worse, given the demographics of y’all

But. Cats. Cats are mean. I used to like that about them. #notallcats

When I was 20, I would have told you that I preferred cats, they made you “work for their love” scoff, scoff, and dogs were too needy. Like my ex-boyfriends. “I like dogs that are like cats,” I said. Now that just sounds like a lot of juvenile gibberish from a girl that liked the chase.

Oh, well, I still try, despite everything, or I did, and maybe I won’t anymore.  I spent like ten minutes in the hallway trying to befriend a cat that I was thought lost, not realizing that we’d already started a cat and mouse game of chess. Staredown. Kitty wanted to eat me. I just want a little attention, or to give the feline my heart, and they wanted, it, the quite literally, heart from my chest. Maybe we can be friends, I told myself. I’ll pet your hair, I’ll win you over. I can help you. Make this easy for me. Cat…no, what are you doing, no, let’s make a deal, I got friends in your world— I died that day. 

~

image

Oh, I know, all cats aren’t like this. But as someone that really liked cats before and was scared of dogs, I ain’t about that life anymore, ha. 

Yes, I know it doesn’t have to be one way or the other. I just really can’t think of that many cats that haven’t tried to use my curls as a way to cat cradle or take up knitting or decided my arms couldn’t do without all natural blood scars!

“ I ain’t even trynna be your friend, catbro. So just chill. “

It’s funny, because I used to have this attitude towards dogs because dogs pretty much always jump on me and knock me to the ground. But a “love me love me love me!!!! human person!!!” is very different from “die!!!!! i will killu!!!!” It’s all funny in context but a shifty-eyed cat can actually do some serious harm.

I get it.  They’re predatory animals by instinct, I mean probably see me as weak or something, it’s not the cat’s fault, really, compensatory predation. But that doesn’t mean I have to pretend to like…all of it. 


SLEEPING WITH A PET OR A FRIENDS PET

My experiences with cats: waking up to cat claws dangerously close to your eyeballs, from a cat that is literally sitting on your face. This happened after you tried to get the cat to stop destroying all your things, and biting your toes.  It’s like, I’LL KILL YOU GET OUT OF MY SPACE, WILL YOU DATE ME? Worst. Sleep. Ever. 

Experiences with dogs: waking up to saliva on your eyeballs and a puppy sleeping on top of your head. Roll her off your head and pull her onto your chest, got back to sleep. Best. Sleep. Ever. 

 Tip: if you have a cat that keeps trying to sleep on your friends’ face when they come over, and that person is allergic, it’s not funny. Your cat is crazy and needs a girlfriend.

METAPHORS AND OTHER THINGS. 

I just don’t have energy for it. I used to keep that friend around, you know, the one that reads you the wrong way every time and doesn’t listen to your side of the story, no matter what. The one you walk on eggshells around. Can’t do it anymore. Me, I think I seem like a cat person, I do wish I was maybe as resilient and hell, 9 lives and all that. Ohmy. Predatory as a cat; but I’m…not. Not in the ways one would think, probably.   

People that don’t know me as well as they think they do often tell me they’re afraid of telling me things / speaking up but you’re really not really at risk for an eye-gouging the second we hold an uncomfortable stare. I’m more likely to try and talk things out, unless you approach me already with a spear in your hand. 

If you actually know me, well, I have a friend who recently compared to me to an ill puppy with a broken leg. Which as sad and pathetic as it is, it’s true. Just keep on dragging that broken leg even though you know better, dumb dog. Keep smiling, trying to keep up with everyone else, go above and beyond for your human bff, make her happy, keep going, you can do it! and… make yourself worse. 

I can be MIA, my life is…messy. I’m hardly a martyr or any of the sort, and I know people don’t willingly provoke people. But they do, sometimes, though, right? I mean. OK. I’m a bit of a troll and the people in my life put up with my antics for sure but I’ll admit when I’m trying to get a rise out of my friends. But otherwise, I’m not a confrontational friend. Not in the way people think.

 “ I’m the friend that might disagree with you on your stance on GMO’s (they’re not all dangerous! everything is a chemical, science, amigos) and um, yes, racism is embedded in western institutions and yes, while being nude is more comfortable than wearing a million clothes, female superheroes cannot fight with ample clothing or nude unless their nude bodies have invisible force fields…oh, um, I had a point in here somewhere right.”

Discussion doesn’t have to be personal, per se. I might believe someone is completely wrong, well, talking science, know it, but live and learn right. Nor am I always correct, a rational and or feeling argument, well I’m ruled by empathy. (And science. Empathy is science.)  

Why you gotta read me like that? Why you gotta be like that?

YOU ME CATS DOGS

I’m your talk talk debate friend, sure. 

 But I don’t wanna be fightin’ with you. I’d rather be fighting for you. For your battles. And if we’re fighting, it’s not against you, it’s for you.

I’m ain’t about that cat and mouse type of friendship life.  I like knowing where I stand. And that I’m safe. 

Seriously, though, apparently at a stage in my life (oh, is this growing up?)  where I have no longer find predatory psychosis and or disinterest and apathy an appealing trait. Cats…and people alike.

-Love, a former cat person

“No Good Deed” by WICKED The Musical

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No Good Deed” by WICKED The Musical

“Lemon Eyes” by Meg Myers

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Lemon Eyes” by Meg Myers


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